Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Somebody stop the Merry Go Round

Hi! No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth, and thanks for stopping by.

During this past month, I have been busily working on the tenth anniversary edition of St. Paul. I also have Living Canvas hanging around, but with my focus hopelessly divided with personal stuff, the latter story is suffering from lack of attention at the moment. That's the business end of things.

On the personal front, I've been traveling - first to Santa Barbara (and can I say how much I enjoyed that trip!) and then to Myrtle Beach for my daughter's wedding. There has been not shortage of stress and emotions, and this combination makes it very difficult to concentrate, needless to say. I've learned new things about myself! There's something really fascinating when you can actually FEEL yourself evolve. Most of us pass effortlessly from one life stage to another - okay, maybe not effortlessly, but without an undue amount of attention to how we came into a stage and how we exit it. After years of being a wife and a mother and taking care of everyone else, I'm FINALLY entering the "happily ever after" stage of my life. Forgive me, but I'm going to indulge in a sappy post today.

When we get married, we go into it with an idealistic view. Preconceived notions. Expectations. Amazing how quickly those things change! After I I first got married (and after I adjusted my expectations), I set my life on a course toward happily ever after - but it didn't go that way. Someone was always trying to derail my train; still, I did all the right things and tried to live the right life. After a while the kids entered the mix. And then it was all about taking care of them and chasing after them. Again, I tried to do the right things, to give them a good life. Then the marriage fell apart. Someone finally succeeded in derailing the train (yes, I own up to my own part of the wreck), but I was not to be deterred. I was determined to be happy, even if it meant being alone.

When I met my present husband, I had a more "grown-up" view of the world and I set my expectations accordingly. By that same token, he had to be able to put up with me! I didn't really think about the fairy tale anymore, it was about love born of mutual respect, and companionship and having someone that was willing to share my life (with the added bonus of two children). And then something amazing happened. In spite of our disagreements, he respects my opinion. And in not expecting him to change, or expecting more than he could give, he knows that I respect him and his opinions. I am allowed to be who I am and be fully supported in that, and he is allowed to be who he is with my full support. He has had to share me for the past 12 years with two other people who sometimes made our lives challenging, but now that we can focus on just the two of us, now that I actually have time to think of myself once in a while, I've discovered - again - what a good choice I made in marrying this man.

Today, I appreciate all my sisters who, once we all grew up and learned to be humans, have stood by me through many difficult times and held my hand, and I appreciate my husband for being there to live "happily ever after" with me.

Thanks for indulging me. I'm ready to get on with MY life now (and yes, that means getting these books finished!).


  1. Congratulations new friends. Looks like you are well on a new chapter of life again. Wishing you every success.