Even in the Quietest Moments

From the #MyLifeIsAMusical column...

Did you know I almost titled one of my books with this song? Instead, it ended up being Mist on the Meadow. It was inspired by a moment - a deer coming out of the woods at just this time of year, its breath coming out in puffs of steam in the chilly morning air. It was a "moment of grace," when the world around me stopped so I could appreciate something beautiful. Is it just me? Or have those moments become fewer and further between?

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about a different type of grace. I'm proud to say the band inside me has packed up and gone home, but one of the things I've been practicing is making the world around me "quiet." This is a challenge these days, but a necessary part of my recuperation. Call it meditation if you like.

Because of the season, I've been using Christmas carols (okay, shoot me, but there are several that are quiet and reflective), and as I sit there with my eyes closed trying to quiet my mind and my body, a picture came to mind. 

Years ago, when I was dating the rock star, I'd been triggered by something (my own personal baggage that still creeps up to this day), and went for a walk alone on a dark, winter's night. I went to a place that had always brought me joy - the local tennis courts (fun fact, when I was young, my life's ambition was to become a professional tennis player). As I stood on the corner, fighting my inner demons, it began to snow. The soft, gentle flakes you see in those Hallmark movies. There's something peaceful about snow (which is why Hallmark uses it as a cliche). I turned my face to the sky and absorbed the moment of grace, and that's the moment that has been coming to me now. The silence of the snowflakes. The quiet of the world around me. I don't remember much about the rest of that night - I think I went on to the movie theater and the rock star met me there. I didn't think he would, so it was another happy moment in what started out as a tumultuous night.

I've been taking a hiatus from the writing after the release of DARK SHADOWS. I'd meant to take a hiatus after the previous one, but when the editor prompted me, I figured I had to follow the path she sent me down. Despite having dozens of ideas floating around inside my brain at any given time, I haven't found the motivation to snag one and put it into words. I can't help but wonder if that moment of grace I experienced years ago is asking for its turn considering how often I've thought of it over the past month. Inspiration is everywhere if you're willing to look. But I also need the quiet time right now, the same way I needed it that night lo, those many years ago.

I'm planning a blogcation over the holidays. Taking time out to enjoy the world around me while I still can rather than hide in my office creating alternate realities. Never fear, I'll be back in January, hopefully refreshed and ready to write. Maybe even about the moment of grace that I've been holding onto all these years as a way to quiet my mind. I may be back before the end of the year if sparks ignite. In the meantime, I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving next week and if I don't see you before then, Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays (whichever you celebrate).