By the time you read this, I'll have survived (or not) my second hip replacement surgery. The risk is low, and I had no qualms the first time. The first time, while they told me all the things I'd never be able to do again, I weighed it against all the things I couldn't do "now." Three years later, I have my life back! I am doing many of the things I couldn't do before that surgery, even if it means I can't run or play tennis or ski ever again. I don't feel 100 years old. I can actually move, ambulate, walk -- all without pain. "Before," people would talk about how they didn't feel their age, how it was just a number, and didn't I feel that way? With the hip in the condition it was in, I felt every bit my age, and older. I no longer feel that way, thanks to the miracles of science. So why am I worried about Hip #2?
When I had children, the first child was a miracle from start to finish. Every moment of pregnancy a wonder. I was looking forward to the delivery, even if I knew it was going to be scary and painful and whatever. It was a new experience to be savored. And then I got pregnant the second time. While it was every bit the same miracle, I began to worry about what could go wrong. Why? Beats me! Everything had gone well the first time - for the most part. I had no reason to think the second pregnancy would be any different, but there were differences (every pregnancy is different, just like every child is different). In the end, the labor and delivery was actually easier, but for whatever reason, I was much more worried the second time around. Shouldn't experience make you less worried? Maybe because the novelty is gone you don't look at the "wows," you look at the "what ifs."
I'm in that same boat now. They're doing the surgery differently this time around. It's supposed to be easier, recovery is supposed to be faster. Less painful. Fewer restrictions. So why am I worried? If it was harder last time and I came out like a champ, shouldn't I be excited that it will be easier this time? Maybe I'm hearing my father's voice saying "she could die!" Maybe I read too many articles presurgery about how there's a risk of nicking the femoral artery. My doctor is a pro. He's done this a million times. He's well respected. He knows what he's doing. So even though I'm writing this before the fact, I'm confident I'll be back to blog for you in another week.
Probably.
Post Script: I survived.
Wishing you a speedy recovery (because I know you survived). But I can understand your apprehension about turning your body over to someone while you brain is playing the "what if?" game. That comes with being a writer--we're always playing that one.
ReplyDeleteYes, I lived to tell another tale! Last time I was recovering, I wrote THE TWINS thinking I would incorporate my new experience, until I discovered a hip replacement and a broken hip are two completely different experiences.
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